Real strength starts when you stop carrying it alone.
Addiction Counselling For Men
When something that once helped you cope starts taking control
Addiction doesn't usually begin with someone deciding to let something take over their life.
It might begin as a way to relax after work.
To switch off.
To have fun.
To sleep.
To escape from pressure for a while.
To deal with stress, loneliness, anger, boredom or something you'd rather not think about.
At first, it may not feel like a problem at all.
But somewhere along the way, something that once felt like a choice can start to feel more like something you need.
You tell yourself you'll cut back.
You'll stop tomorrow.
You'll only have one.
You'll stay away from it this weekend.
You'll get the money back next time.
And then you find yourself doing it again.
You may know it's affecting your health, relationships, finances, work or the way you feel about yourself.
You may genuinely want things to change.
But knowing you should stop and actually being able to stop can be two very different things.
When something starts having more control over your life than you want it to, it may be time to talk about it.
What Can Addiction Look Like?
Addiction can involve substances such as alcohol or drugs, as well as behaviours such as gambling or other activities that have become increasingly difficult to control.
It doesn't look the same for every man.
And you don't have to fit a particular stereotype before something is worth addressing.
You might notice that you're:
- Drinking more often or more than you intended.
- Using drugs to relax, escape, sleep or cope.
- Gambling despite the financial or relationship consequences.
- Thinking about the substance or behaviour more than you'd like.
- Trying to stop or cut back but repeatedly returning to it.
- Hiding or minimising how much you're doing.
- Becoming defensive when someone raises concerns.
- Continuing despite knowing it's causing problems.
- Using something to deal with stress, anger, loneliness or difficult emotions.
- Feeling guilty, ashamed or disappointed in yourself afterwards.
- Pulling away from the people around you.
- Finding that work, family or other responsibilities are beginning to suffer.
Sometimes the warning sign isn't dramatic.
It can simply be the realisation:
"I don't feel in control of this anymore."
You don't have to wait until everything has fallen apart before asking for help.
When Something Becomes a Way of Coping
One of the important things to understand about addiction is the role it may have come to play in your life.
For some men, alcohol, drugs, gambling or another behaviour can become a way of getting through something.
It might quiet your thoughts.
Help you forget about work.
Give you excitement when everything else feels flat.
Take the edge off loneliness.
Numb something painful.
Or simply give you somewhere to escape for a while.
That doesn't mean every addiction has one hidden emotional cause waiting to be uncovered. People develop difficulties with substances and behaviours for many different reasons.
But understanding what it does for you can be an important part of understanding why it has become difficult to let go of.
Because if something has become one of your main ways of coping with stress, pain, anger, boredom or pressure, simply taking it away doesn't necessarily deal with what was there in the first place.
Sometimes the question isn't only:
"How do I stop?"
It might also be:
"What has this been doing for me — and what do I need instead?"
That's something counselling can help you explore without judgement.
What Is It Costing You?
The effects of addiction don't always arrive all at once.
Sometimes they build slowly enough that you adjust to each new problem as it appears.
Until one day you realise how much has changed.
Your relationships
There may be arguments, secrecy, broken promises or damaged trust.
A partner may become tired of asking you to change. Family members may worry. You might start avoiding people because you don't want questions or judgement.
Or perhaps you're still physically present but increasingly disconnected from the people closest to you.
Your health
Depending on the substance or behaviour involved, addiction can affect your physical and emotional wellbeing.
Sleep, energy, mood and your general health can all suffer.
Your work and responsibilities
Concentration, motivation and reliability can become harder.
Things you would normally manage may start being put off, while more of your time and attention becomes focused on the addiction.
Your finances
Alcohol, drugs, gambling and other behaviours can create significant financial pressure.
And that pressure can create more stress — which can sometimes lead you back towards the very thing you're using to escape it.
The way you see yourself
For some men, this can be one of the hardest parts.
You may feel ashamed.
You may think you've let people down.
You may wonder why you can't simply stop.
You may make promises to yourself and feel worse each time you don't keep them.
Eventually, you can begin confusing something you're struggling with for who you are.
Your addiction is something you're dealing with. It doesn't have to become your identity.
How Addiction Counselling Can Help
There isn't one reason why addiction develops, and there isn't one solution that works for every man.
Your experiences, relationships, circumstances and reasons for using are your own.
That's why counselling isn't about putting you into a box or assuming the same approach will work for everyone.
We start by understanding what's happening for you.
Together, we may explore:
- The role the substance or behaviour has come to play in your life.
- What tends to trigger cravings or urges.
- Situations, emotions, people or environments that make things harder.
- What happens before and after you use or engage in the behaviour.
- Stress, loneliness, grief, anger or other difficulties that may be contributing.
- The effect the addiction is having on your relationships.
- Other ways of coping when life becomes difficult.
- How to manage situations where you're more likely to return to old patterns.
- What support you may need around you.
- What you want your life to look like with less control being given to the addiction.
The work will be different for every person.
The aim isn't simply to tell you to "just stop."
It's to understand what keeps pulling you back, what needs to change around it and what can help you begin taking back control.
You Don't Have to Be Completely Ready
One of the things that can stop men from seeking support is believing they need to have already made a final decision.
"I'm never drinking again."
"I'm never gambling again."
"I'm stopping everything tomorrow."
You don't need to arrive at counselling with that certainty.
You might know you want to stop.
You might want to cut back.
You might not know what you want yet.
Part of you may desperately want things to change while another part doesn't want to give up something you've relied on for a long time.
You may have tried before.
You may be worried you'll fail again.
You may even be wondering whether what you're doing is serious enough to call an addiction.
You can still talk about it.
You can start with:
"I'm worried about how much I'm drinking."
"I'm losing too much money gambling."
"I've tried to stop before and I keep going back."
"Nobody knows how much I'm using."
Or simply:
"I think this is becoming a problem."
That's enough to begin.
When Counselling Is Only One Part of the Support You Need
Addiction can involve physical as well as psychological dependence.
This is particularly important when alcohol or other drugs are involved.
If your body has become dependent on a substance, suddenly stopping or significantly reducing your use can sometimes cause serious withdrawal symptoms.
Counselling isn't a substitute for medical assessment, supervised withdrawal or specialist alcohol and other drug treatment when those services are needed.
Depending on your circumstances, appropriate support may also involve your GP, an addiction specialist, alcohol and other drug services, rehabilitation, gambling support, financial counselling or other health professionals.
Counselling can work alongside those services.
Getting additional help isn't a failure.
It's about making sure you have the right support for what you're dealing with.
Taking Back Some Control
Addiction can gradually make your world smaller.
More of your time becomes focused on the substance or behaviour.
More of your thoughts become occupied by it.
Relationships become harder.
Responsibilities become harder.
And things that once mattered can start getting pushed further into the background.
Change doesn't necessarily begin with knowing exactly how you're going to fix everything.
Sometimes it begins with being honest about what's happening.
Understanding what the addiction has been giving you — and what it has been taking away.
Recognising that something needs to change.
And being willing to start talking about what that change might look like.
You are more than the thing you're struggling with.
Things can change.
And you don't have to work out how to change them alone.
If alcohol, drugs, gambling or another addictive behaviour is affecting your life, you can start wherever you are.
You don't need the right words.
You don't need all the answers.
Sometimes saying:
"I think I need some help with this."
is the first change.
Men's Online Counselling Australia
Confidential online counselling for men across Australia.
“Change can begin with one step. We're here to walk alongside you as you move forward.”